South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
