the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
