In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
