Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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