i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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