tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
