AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
