It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
