Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
