My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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