Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
