i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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