he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize