Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
