They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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