so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
