So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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