ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need a beard to bite.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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