i just made my gag reflex go away.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
