dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
