I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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