Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
