I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
