You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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