Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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