dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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