So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
