I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The air taste purple.
Randomize
