I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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