I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
