You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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