He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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