Please, let me fuck your mom
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
