I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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