Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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