Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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