Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
