so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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