Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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