Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
