Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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