I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
