You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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