Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
