I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
