Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
