It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
