Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
