Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
