i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize