dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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