dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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