also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
