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• (812): View more from Indiana

  dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

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• (707): View more from California

  Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  3pm strippers are depressing

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time

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• (425): View more from Washington

  And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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• (661): View more from California

  Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about

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