so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
