I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
