u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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