I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
