My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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