I wannas sexs uuuuu
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
