Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
