oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
