You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
