I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
