my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
