she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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