i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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