Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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