I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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