Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
