I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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