I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
