she told me i tasted like america
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
