I didn't shave. On purpose
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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