Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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