Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
