We should be called the Road Head Warriors
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
