Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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