We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were trust falling into bushes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
