I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this will be a night to untag.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
